Whenever we think about healing from grief and trauma, we think about feeling the pain, facing our demons, re-engaging with the negative emotions and experiences, spiralling down through the bittersweet stairs of nostalgia, developing coping strategies, and so on...
However, we often forget about the virtues intrinsic to every human being. Grace and Gratitude.
What is Grace?
In this context, grace refers to the elegance in "the ability to handle difficult situations or conflicts with dignity and understanding, demonstrating forgiveness and patience." (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
What is Gratitude?
"Gratitude is the appreciation for what one has, which can enhance emotional well-being and foster positive relationships." (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
In this blogpost, we will explore how cultivating these virtues can aid in healing from grief and trauma from a psychosocio-spiritual perspective.
The Therapeutic Power of Gratitude
It is commonly known that the field of psychology in the last two decades have been invested in holistic approaches towards psychological wellbeing. With respect to our virtue in question, numerous studies have shown us how gratitude, generally, has direct impacts on mood elevation, better sleep, improved connectedness with others, and improved resilience. This applies to grief as well. Research has shown that people dealing with grief and trauma have benefitted significantly from focusing on gratitude.
Gratitude Alleviates Symptoms of Grief and Trauma
In a study by Seligman et al. (2005), the father of contemporary positive psychology, people who engaged in gratitude exercises reported a significant reduction in depressive symptoms. In the context of grief and trauma, studies found that the afflicted individuals dedicate some time to thinking about what they are grateful for, it helped them cope with the overwhelming sadness.
By focusing on gratitude, even in the midst of sorrow, people have found space and glimmers of appreciation - whether this is in the way events unfolded, their support system, what they have as opposed to what they do not etc.
Therefore, engaging with gratitude promotes a mindset shift in order to better cope with grief and trauma. Gratitude can also lead to meaning making, which is a fundamental step towards resolution.
Building Resilience Through Gratitude
The relationship between gratitude and resilience has also been examined. One study found that people who regularly practiced expressing gratitude actually showed greater psychological resilience when faced with traumatic events (Wood, 2010). Resilience is crucial for people processing trauma because it fosters a sense of hope and strength which can be difficult to maintain during difficult times. Think about gratitude practices as 'Resilience Vitamins' - it can help you get back up faster and better when you've been knocked down by life.
The Role of Grace
In times of grief and trauma, you may choose to manifest grace through acceptance, strengthening relationships, and contemplate on spirituality.
Grace in Acceptance
Emotional responses such as denial, anger, regret, blame, betrayal or any other powerful emotion that appears to be against the gradient of acceptance may not actually preclude us from acceptance. Quite the contrary.
If we are able to create space within ourselves, we can allow ourselves to hold these seemingly paradoxical or contradictory emotions at the same time - essentially accepting our experience with grace. There is humility involved in surrendering entirely to the experiences of grief and trauma. There is beauty in embracing the tenderness of the human heart.
Therefore, acceptance can create a sense of spaciousness which provides fertile ground for healing and growth, enabling us to navigate our emotions with compassion (to ourselves and others). Therefore, to gracefully accept such complexities of grief is to actually allow ourselves to feel the rainbow of pain and love without judgment or self-reproach.
Grace in Relationships
Take a moment to reflect on the last time you responded empathetically to someone who was experiencing grief or trauma. What went through your mind? How did you support the person in question? Were you inclined towards kindness and gentleness? Were you inclined to listen or lend a hug? Switch roles now. Reflect upon a time when someone was kind and compassionate towards you when you were going through a hard time. How did that impact you?
It is no surprise that showing kindness and understanding to yourself, and others can make the healing process feel less isolating. By offering and receiving grace we are fostering more meaningful connections with others.
Social science describes this as enhancing support networks, but it is essentially allowing for our innermost human virtues to foster connectedness around matters of the heart.
Overlapping with Spirituality
Gratitude and grace do not only hold psychological significance; they also intersect deeply with spirituality. Spiritual and wisdom traditions across space and time emphasize the importance of thankfulness and grace as means to connect with a higher power, promote inner peace, finding purpose in life, and cultivate a sense of belonging in the universe.
Spiritual Frameworks of Gratitude
In fact, various spiritual practices recognize gratitude as a cornerstone of transcendence.
Gratitude has been known to enhance spiritual well-being by fostering a sense of connection to something greater than oneself (Emmons & McCullough, (2003). This connection can provide solace and perspective during times of grief and trauma, reminding us that we are part of a larger narrative.
Mindfulness and Grace
While virtues such as gratitude, grace, connectedness, kindness, acceptance and compassion and psychosocio-spirituality make conceptual sense, developing practices to cultivate them can further strengthen our psychological resilience.
Mindfulness practices, often rooted in spiritual traditions, can enhance the experience of both gratitude and grace.
Research by Keng et al. (2011) shows that mindfulness promotes a greater awareness of the present moment, which can amplify feelings of gratitude and grace. This heightened awareness allows us to recognize and appreciate the small joys in life, even amidst pain, thereby nurturing their emotional healing. So, what are some of the ways we can put this into action?
Practical Strategies for Cultivating Gratitude and Grace
Incorporating gratitude and grace into daily life can be transformative when we experience grief and traumatic events in life:
Gratitude Journaling: Write down three things you are grateful for each day. This simple practice can shift focus away from pain and foster a positive outlook. I once had a client tell me that she and her partner would do this together in bed, just before going to sleep.
Practice Graceful Acceptance: Allow yourself to feel emotions without judgment. Recognize that it’s okay to grieve and that grace can coexist with pain. You have enough space within you to hold them all at the same time. And if you feel like you don't, reach out to a trusted person or a grief counsellor. Of course, tread carefully as you do not want to engage with individuals who are not able to hold your pain.
Express Appreciation: Reach out to friends or family and express gratitude for their support. Strengthening social bonds can be incredibly healing. I have recently posted a blog expressing my appreciation for my support system, https://www.aroad2recovery.com/post/how-community-and-bubble-tea-helped-me-through-grief-a-grief-therapist-s-story. I personally found if extremely cathartic.
Create Rituals: Integrate gratitude and grace into spiritual practices, such as prayer or meditation, to deepen the connection between these concepts and your spiritual journey.
Grief and trauma can be daunting, but the practices of gratitude and grace offer us glimmers of hope and healing. By recognizing and appreciating the positives in life, we can somehow navigate our emotional landscapes with greater resilience and peace. Furthermore, integrating these concepts within a spiritual framework can enhance the healing process, providing us with a deeper sense of connection and purpose. As you embark on this journey, remember that it’s okay to feel pain while also holding space for gratitude and grace — a balance that can lead to profound healing.
Sources
- Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
- Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 67(2), 123-134.
- Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychological Association’s Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(1), 1-8.
- Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890-905.
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